手放開 李聖傑

我把自己關起來只留下一個陽台
每當天黑推開窗 我對著夜幕發呆
看著往事 一幕一幕 再次演出你我的愛

我把電視機打開聽著別人的對白
也許那些故事可以給我一個交代
你要的愛 我學不來
眼睜睜看情變壞 人怔怔看情感慨

不能給你未來 我還你現在
安靜結束也是另一種對待 當眼淚流下來
傷已超載 分開也是另一種明白

我給你最後的疼愛是手放開
不要一張雙人床中間隔著一片海
感情的污點就留給時間慢慢漂白
把愛收進胸前左邊口袋

最後的疼愛是手放開
不想用言語拉扯所以選擇不責怪
感情就像候車月台 有人走有人來
我的心是一個站牌 寫著等待

我把收音機打開聽著別人的失敗
哽咽的聲音彷彿訴說著相同悲哀
你的依賴 還在胸懷
我無法輕易推開 我無法隨便走開
感情中專心的人容易被傷害

Finally, life without any H, that's the final destination.

Feel better, went swimming alone, yes, ALONE.  Haven't done stuff alone for quite awhile, it's time to change, isn't it?

As I did the assignment for Monday, today is a pretty relax day, Stanley went hiking with friends so I decide to go swim myself, as to keep it as a habit, and I want to build up muscles on biceps and shoulders. Keke, look better.

Sept 25 is H's (keep H for continuity purpose only) Bday, was thinking whether to get him things, or send him card, or give him a call, or ... finally the day has come and I decide to text him with a simple line, just "Happy Birthday and wish you the best"

I felt relieved. 不想放手,還須放手

Stay home all day today, did those assignments, watch old dvds again, I guess I need to get some more from HMV, as I stay home more often, obviously need more DVD to play on computer while I'm studying.

H( or I shouldn't call H anymore) send me sms today, asking how did I know I will see him on that day, and I replied bcoz I think too much.  Wanted to say more but I didn't, I'm just a love sick fool all in all. Oh well, things will get better later as time will fade everything away.

new.H got the same problem, we seems distant, he doesn't tell me things and he allege that those are too trivial, then when he mention that, such as, like teenager chatting and fooling around, I can't stand them.  We haven't seen each other for long time, like 10 days, we met twice, but with his parent in both occasions, so they don't count, and he now doesn't have an urge to see each other.  We plan to meet tmr, but he said he has hw to do and won't come out until 7, also he got a cold, and excuses all over, maybe it's not a good time to meet tmr right?  I made that decision for him.

I wanted to say that he is too naive to me, as if he is still a kid, fooling around in school.  But I hold it, at times I just make decision too soon.

Deny it not, I still have thought of H.

Can't get H out of my mind today, yesterday and day before, been suffering, maybe because new.H cheated on me the other day and I start to lose faith on him.  It's normal I think, I just hated people cheated on me. Today I was on my way to Ocean Terminal and I met H on the way, just a quick greeting as his supervisor was with him, I then sms him with the same old shit, he didn't reply, wise for him not to reply.  I don't know how the whole thing will come to an end and I don't really want that to end.

Struggling this morning whether or not to send sms to H, as his b-day is approaching, wanted to get him something, yes, I'm very bad, even he treated me badly (I think, but at least he never cheats me), I still want to be with him.

new.H just like to treat all the gals nice, and I did explain to him that this won't work and more gals will fall into his trap, and more problem for me later on.

I don't know what to do, things just like drifted apart and I can't help thinking when I'm alone studying or travelling in MTR.

開左學之後好忙,好快就咁過了兩個星期,week5-6就有midterm啦,死得.

呢幾日都有打俾的好朋友問佢地感情野,又係我又chum又悶的事啦,問的野越來越無聊,連自己都覺得,人生就係咁,好多呢的野發生,還是是我個人天生無聊,多疑啦.

今日有成四堂咁多,都無時候想了,去了haircut finally,精神了許多.

學校本來可以請我同另一位同學做program assistant,但基於conflict of interest的問題,唔請得,不過個prof會請我做佢自己的assistant,都唔錯.

今晚都仲要做功課星期五交.好,我都應該收拾心情唔再想那些情愛野,諗得太多有的厭倦.